This one was found by reader Shawn aka “Corky” who writes the blog http://packwar.blogspot.com/:

Thousands of Sport Card’s baseball football basketball hockey TRADE – $1

I have THOUSANDS of cards pictured below from the 1980’s to 2000 TONS of each sport BaseBall, Tons of Football, Tons of BasketBall some Hockey all in COLLECTOR CONDITION GUARANTEED. They have been boxed an stored in AIR CONDITIONING environment. THIS WHOLE GOES NOT PARTING OUT AT ALL…
I prefer TRADE but will Take $400 Cash
THINGS I WILL TAKE IN TRADE..
Xbox 360 XBOX360 – with all wires to hook it up with wireless controller & HARD DRIVE Game(s)
PS3 playstation 3 – with all wires to hook it up with wireless controller game(s)
PSP in PERFECT WORKING ORDER no cracks, with GAMES & MOVIES,
Ipod Touch I Pod Touch bigger then a 8gig in PERFECT working order & NO Cracks
Drum Equipment for my son’s DRUM SET Cymbal, BOOM STANDS, Tom, ROTO Toms, DOUBLE BASS PEDDLE, professional percussion wood blocks,
Electric guitar nice like, Ibanez, Dean, Schecter, Kramer, Gibson, Fender NOT SQUIRE, Jackson, Charvel, Ovation, LINE 6 Line6 Amp with at lease 2 X 12inch speakers or Stack HEAD,
HotWheels Hot Wheels TREASURE HUNTS Value in Trade ONLY $5 to $15 depends on the car, Unless you have the first Year Camaro I will give $200 trade value, or Any CAMARO 67, 68, 69 I collect them personally so I will give more for RLC Camaro’s, Box set CAMARO’S, Ed WOOD Camaro even the complete set awesome trade.. I give a little extra for BUS’S NOT $25 a BUS though so PLEASE keep that in mind on the Buses..

Thank you for your time..

Take Care (GOD BLESS)

First Take: So in essence he has a ton of cards and wants some high tech electronic equipment for it. I have no problem with that. What I do have a problem with is his choice of presentation. He wants $400 for the cards, OK fine, what am I getting for $400? I mean other than zip locked bags and an old Huggies box? Also although the cards seem to be in good condition, showing a potential buyer that you store a potential investment like that is just not a good way to sell your cards. Since I have no clue what he is offering (other than thousands of cards), I have no idea what I should offer. I do however had a specific plan for this one and I’m curious if he would take my “Trade”.

The Emails:

Me: I am interested in setting up a trade with you for your cards.

CI: Cool what do you have? I am very open to any of the items I have listed in the ad.

Me: Can you tell me other than some 1990 Topps cards, what do you have to offer? Any high dollar cards?

CI: Way too many to list here, but I can tell you that the cards run from the 1980s to 2000. They are worth a lot more but I really want to get rid of them. So I can get a video game system.

Me: I have lots of video game systems and games but few cards, so this might work, I have the PS, the Xbox and the Nintendo, which one are you interested in the most?

CI: Man I really want the Xbox, do you have all the cables and the wireless controllers? Which games would you throw in?

Me: Oh you are going to love my Xbox, it’s modded so you can just copy the games to the hard drive and play them outright. Plus the wireless controllers are sweet, I have about 15 games on there right now including a Madden, NCAA football, Halo, and a few more. So are the cards really worth it? What would you say is the most valuable card you are offering?

CI: Well, I have Bonds, McGuire, Sosa, Molitor, Mattingly for baseball (all rookie cards) Marino, Moon, and so many other football rookies, shaq, mourning, and i think Kobe rookies for basketball. Can you send me a picture of the Xbox?

Me: I know you are going to just love it!

One of the controllers is wireless and the other is wired, but you can see all the wires are there plus I will throw in the games that I had before the mod. It’s just an awesome deal and I really think it’s a fair trade. When do you want to meet?

CI: Dude, I want the Xbox 360 not the original Xbox. Do you have the 360, PS3 or WII?

Me: Dude, you store your cards in ziplock bags and Huggies boxes. You can tell me nothing about the cards, and I am offering at least $100 in trade. I think it’s more than worth it for you! I have an ipod that I would trade:

It even has the 5GB hard drive! I have all the wires and it’s filled to the brim with Country songs. Will that work? I can meet you this evening.

CI: You aren’t getting it, I want value for these cards, if you don’t have want I have listed in the ad, we are done here.

Me: Your cards are worthless, I know this because if they were actually worth something, you probably would have kept better care of them.  Instead they have layed in ziplock bags and Huggies boxes for years.  Both items that I was offering to you are actually worth something unlike the crap cards you are trying to peddle as worth something.  Your ad has been up for months, you have no takers, take the first generation Ipod and trade the cards to someone who will treat them right.  Here is a video of how you are supposed to take care of these cards <link>.

CI: You are an asshole, you know that? Why don’t you go fuck yourself and die?  If I ever run into you on the street I will waste you man.

Me: Well if you want to get a hold of me, I can be reached at XXX-XXX-XXXX and ask for chemgod.  As for the “wasting” me, the only thing you are wasting is the air you breathe.  Have a nice day.  Oh and call me if you still want to trade for the Ipod 🙂

End of Emails

Final Take: I actually liked how that one played out.  I had it in my head that I would offer him junk for his junk and I think I got my point across.  I never get tired of VOTC Rob’s video.  I laugh my ass off everytime, especially when I put it in context witha CI’s cards.  Makes me chuckle!  Hope you enjoyed reading this one as much as I enjoyed firing emails back and forth with the latest and greatest CI.

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8 responses »

  1. jswaykos says:

    Ha ha, nice. I wish I could turn my 90s junk into sweet gaming systems! Do people ever bite on these and make the deals? I mean, they must, right? Or else nobody would ever post these cards for sale/trade?

  2. That one was fantastic. Loved it. Sometimes it seems like the CIs are uncooperative, but this guy went EXACTLY where you were leading him. I would have loved it if you sent him a picture or the original nintendo with a stack of games like Metroid, Zelda, and ExciteBike. I still doubt that this guy gets it. Hilarious.

    It’s the best when you get all the way to the “I’m going to waste you” or “I’ll kick your ass”. Well done.

  3. matt says:

    Excitebike was awesome!!

  4. Gellman says:

    Thank god these are back!

  5. Nicely done sir. Love your antics.

  6. Drew says:

    Very funny man, keep it up! Just hope you never meet any of those guys 🙂

  7. I love this. They never cease to make me laugh. I need to put some crud on e-bay and tell people I’ll only trade for a car or a pony or something equally fun.

  8. Jason says:

    I turned all my 80s/90s junk into (hopefully) a happy kid somewhere. Let me explain:

    Probably like most collectors from this era, all my closets in my house were filled with this ‘common’ junk and I HAD to get rid of it. I bought boxes of ziplock bags, put in as many cards as I could fit into each (usually around 100 cards), and drove to my local goodwill store. I asked if they could give a bag to each kids who comes in. Don’t SELL the bags…GIVE them. Hopefully some kids was excited as I used to be to look through them.

    I’ve been doing this each Christmas for the past several years and have finally cleared up enough closet space…to buy more junk!!

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