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My take: Normally I don’t like answering ads without a  price, just that stupid make offer line.  However I think this guy suspects he has a small fortune in cards and is hoping someone is going to back up the Brinks truck to buy it.  Today I am playing James Beckett.

The Exchange:

Me: Hello sir, my name is James Beckett and I would love to make an offer on your cards.  As I am the leading expert in card value I thought that we might just start with what price you are looking to get for all these fascinating cards?

CI: Hi, I have no idea what they are worth, I was hoping that the buyer would make me an offer.  How much are you willing to go on these cards?

Me: We are in a real quandary here,!  Should I give you the upper hand in this negotiation process by tipping my hand?  I think not sir! No I insist you tell me what you want for the cards.  Although I do like them, I have a budget on the as well.  So come up with a fair price and get back to me.

CI: OK well let’s start off at $1000, I think the gold card is worth almost that by itself.  I only take cash, does this seem fair to you?

Me: Sir that would be a fair offer if I was a resident of a mental institution.  However since I seem to have all my mental issues in check, I see through your clever ruse and make a counter offer that would seem more fair. My offer is $25.  I can pick it up tonight at half past 6 in the evening.  I shall bring my lawyer to draw up the contract and of course I can pay in cash.

CI: thats fucked up man. i cant go that low what about 500, i really need to sell it and i know the gold card is worth a fortune.

Me: Ah, I am thinking you do know that the “gold card” is plated in gold (over aluminum) right?  That it is not actually solid gold.  That there is probably enough gold on the card to buy a half gallon of mint chocolate chip ice cream at the supermarket?  You must also know that none of the other cards you are offering are worth more than 50 cents.  My dim witted friend, you offer makes no sense.  I counter your grossly inflated offer with a more understandable offer of $15.75.

CI: i have already had offers of over 100 asshole, quit wasting my fucking time.

Me: Sir, your time is worth quite a bit less than my time and I feel as though I’m not wasting my time so your time hasn’t been wasted either.  Consider this an education of sorts.  For starters you now know how much your “collection” is worth.  Secondly you can now officially be called a Craigslist Idiot, an honor which has only been bestowed on a handful of people.  Think of it like this, your ad was so bottom rung that only mouth breathing neandrathols would be able to fall for your stupidity.  Good day sir!

CI: fuck you and rot in hell dipshit.

Me: Thank you sir, and don’t forget the wipe the drool from the corner of your mouth breathing self.  Good day!

End of Exchange

Final Take: The idiot did have a price in mind but wanted to see if I could be swindled.  There is a special place in hell for this kind of person.  If you check eBay, you can get the gold card for about $15, and all the other cards are a dollar or less (including the Nolan Ryan fight card).  My guess is that $15 would have been a deal, but $25 was way more than it was worth.

What did you think?



4 responses »

  1. mike says:

    I always enjoy the Craigslist Idiots. I’ve noticed a lot of the sellers, at least the ones that you print, go south in a hurry when their crazy price is challenged, and resort to some kind of vulgarity once they are had. While these cards don’t exactly get the meter going, even $25 for this lot might have been high. You can find all three of the actual sports cards for less than a buck, the Ryan punch card is a goof card and the gold thing if you bide time, you can find it on eBay for a .99 bid if patient.
    Always good to snuff out the shady sellers.

  2. rob says:

    no way! a penny hardaway rookie! hahaha

  3. todduncommon says:

    I think you could have gotten a little more mileage out of him if you could have refrained from directly insulting him after he fired off his first profanity. I like the T. Herman Zweibel (or at least a late 19th Century T.S. O’Connell) routine.

    You could have strung him out a little more by letting him know that the gold card of the ‘fat angry man in a brown coat’ at the World Series just isn’t holding its value in today’s marketplace.

  4. Vincent says:

    I usually do not comment, but after browsing a few of the responses here Craigslist Idiot – Vintage Edition |
    Bad Wax. I actually do have some questions for you if it’s allright. Could it be only me or do some of these responses appear like they are coming from brain dead individuals? 😛 And, if you are posting on additional places, I would like to keep up with you. Could you list of every one of all your social community pages like your twitter feed, Facebook page or linkedin profile?

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