This one was sent in by a fellow reader, Tyler. At first I thought it was a setup, like someone wanting to get a Craigslist Idiot beat down. However I quickly found out that the guy was for real:
Michael Jordan Basketball Cards – $3000
I have a set of 5 Mj career collection basketball cards. One is 1987, one is 1989, and the other three are 1993. They are all in MINT condition, in their own plastic casing, and are a wooden plank with the plastic wrap still covering all of it together. I have researched to see how much theese cards would be a piece, and on average, each one is worth approx. $600, the older ones are worth a little more, but I need the cash. I have tagged some photos for you to look at, thanks!
My initial take: Guy is a duchebag, he has done “extensive research” to determine the value. Each card is worth $600 (cough-bullshit-cough). Guy needs a lesson on scamming. Dr. James Beckett is just the man to do it!
Me: Hello kind sir, could you please brief me on the background of these cards that the impressive plaque it is built upon? This seems like a too good to be true kind of deal. Did you know that many consider Michael Jordan to be one of basketball’s best players? I can’t believe you were able to procure five of his cards and all on one plaque! Just outstanding! Sir, this is one astonishing deal! Please get back to me as soon as humanly possible, I am just giddy with anticipation of your response.
CI: the cards are part of his career collection and are all numbered to 2300. That means each of these cards are extremely limited. I would like $600 a card as I know thats what the are selling for. id be willing to negotiate though.
Me: I see you like to take poetic license for your responses. I can see that you don’t like to follow the rules of grammar as you appear to be thumbing your nose to the notion of capitalization. All that pettiness aside, I find your cards absolutely enthralling and wish to talk to you more about them. Where on earth did you find a value to these cards. To me the value of a Michael Jordan card is priceless and although I am very well off and could easily afford the $3000, I am also a man of deft negotiation skills. I would like to counter your offer, but as to not give you the upper hand, I ask for the lowest price you are willing to take.
CI: ill go down to 2500, but thats about it. call me at (xxx) xxx-xxxx and we can go over everything and i only take cash.
Me: See my clever ruse has already gotten you to lower your price to $2500, now I will attempt to lower it even further. Did I mention that I sit on the board of a very well respected sports card website. Every week we go out to try and find the most fallacious Craigslist ad and bestow that person one of the most prized rewards on the internet. I’d like you to know sir, that your ad is a finalist and as such I need to buy this plaque and show it proudly in my office. What do you say to that?
CI: thats great. i really dont want to go down lower than 2500, but if you can pay cash i think we can go a little lower.
Me: Splendid kind sir, I can tell right away that you are a man who likes to get things done. Here is what I propose, the cards I have seen on the website eBay, go for around $50 for the set. Now please follow me on this as I plan to do a lot of math here and I hope your dim witted self can follow. I know it’s going to be rough but I think you infantile brain can handle it. Since there are 60 cards in the set and each set is $50, then each card in the set goes for 83 cents a card. The glue, protective cases and plaque is worth probably $8. So my final offer is $12.15. I know that is quite a bit lower than what you were hoping for, but please consider it so that we can bestow this amazing award to you.
CI: are you fucking serious? why would you waste my time with this garbage? i dont want your fuckin award, shove it up your ass. shithead!!!!
Me: Well sir that is certainly not the answer myself or my colleagues here at badwax.net expected to hear from you. As you will go down as one of the greatest Craigslist Idiots of all time! This award comes with great responsibility. You must learn not to scam people as it is a sin. Relax and enjoy your first day of The Craigslist Idiot of the Week award. Your idiocracy and delusional mental state clearly has rendered you useless to process normal pricing. We here at badwax understand this and will continue to raise our flags to the degenerates of society that only look to scam people. Good day to you sir and enjoy your new title.
CI: have a nice life asshole, if you keep this crap up someone is going to get you.
Me: As long as it’s not you with the Jordan plaque in the observatory, I feel I will remain safe. Of course then it might be worth some money as it was used to assault me. Maybe that is the right course of action for you!
End of exchange
Final Take – Everyone knows these cards are worth at most a buck a piece and the plaque is what, $8 at Michael’s. This guy was a scammer pure and simple, and I hope I knocked him down a bit with this CI. I don’t know what’s up with these kinds of people, the only people interested in this would be card collectors, and they already know the cards are worthless, so why bother. Anyway, it feels good to give him some food for thought about his pricing tactics.